Garden Centre Kitsch

Until recently our local garden centre has rarely been the place to put me in a good mood. It's my plant source of last resort as their quality is variable, the choice is so-so and the prices are to the max. However, it's been a much more pleasurable experience of late. Much of this is down to going there with Threadspider - shopping with a friend is always so much better plus we usually stop off for coffee and cake at some point. However, I'm also finding much of comedy value there - I have been known to burst into fits of giggles, much to the consternation of passers by. In my defence I present the following evidence:

This is what started it all back in February - dotty cup and saucer planters

We were worried about the middle option for a while until we realised they're a type of candle

I hate to think what's happened to these cats to give them that expression

A number of questions occur to me here - why do I need something to put my spectacles on? What's it got to do with Picasso? And why are they on sale at a garden centre and not our local opticians?

We went there on Thursday and managed to resist everything pictured plus most of the plants. However we did add something to our respective extensive vegetable collections. I'm happy to report we didn't buy the potato plants priced at £4.99 each (that's about 10 USD). I think that's a case of the garden centre having a laugh don't you?

Comments

  1. this is my patch8 June 2008 at 07:49

    My local garden centre had those huge cups and saucers, I wonder if they have drainage holes? Not that I am thinking of buying one I must add! Great sense of humour Michelle. I don't think I have ever seen potato plants for sale? x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zoë8 June 2008 at 09:26

    It always amazes me what can be found in garden centres. Even Hillers have had the cups and saucers in!

    It is a shame that they aren't as imaginative with the plants they offer for sale.

    ReplyDelete
  3. emmat8 June 2008 at 10:40

    Wax tart, ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    My mum's local Hilliers did a thing last winter where could go and take your containers. They'd give you the compost, and let you use their potting bench, if you bought bulbs.

    This was brilliant, and loyalty-inducing, and really fun too. Why don't garden centres do MORE things like that, and less wax tarts?

    I have just noticed that i have potato plants growing in the weirdest places in my garden, as a result of doing a patio potato experiment last year. In the compost heap (not that surprising); in with the begonias (re-used the compost); alongside the sweet williams (hmm, can't explain that one, perhaps squirrel?).

    It's funny because actually I didn't really get how much you had to water them, so I only got about five potatoes, but now my garden has "caught" them maybe they are going to be the 21st century weed...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous8 June 2008 at 10:44

    What exactly does one do with a Picasso's nose? Is it a plant support? one of those things to stop your eyes being poked out by a bamboo cane? A conversation piece (as in "What the **** is that thing?) or maybe it is something for the picking garden.

    ReplyDelete
  5. VP8 June 2008 at 11:33

    Louise - we were pretty gobsmacked by the spuds too!

    Zoe - too right, though I'm intending to do a positive article about the garden centre, strictly in the interests of balanced reporting of course!

    Emmmat - ahhh the ever present potato volunteers. Last year they were my best crop on the allotment, the pukka spuds didn't cut the mustard. We also think that punters buying these plants won't think they'll need a bigger pot and will keep them in their current snug fitting item on the patio all summer.

    James - we couldn't believe them either. What warped mind thought of them? Who thinks you need an accesory to balance your specs on anyway? What's wrong with leaving them on your head or putting them back in their case?

    ReplyDelete
  6. VP8 June 2008 at 11:37

    Emmat - I forgot to add that our now defunct North West Wilts Fetival used to have a big display from the garden centre with demonstrations of how to put together a big summer pot. They'd then invited members of the audience to come up and try for themselves against the clock - a bit like 'The Generation Game'. The audience would then vote which one they thought was best - a bit like 'Ready Steady Cook'. I won!!!!! And each contestant got to keep their pot and all the plants they'd used - brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Helen/patientgardener8 June 2008 at 12:28

    I'm glad its not just me that has a laugh at all the naff stuff you have to negotiate at garden centres. I recently spotted one of those silver balls with a fluffy blue tit on top as seen on GW when Swifty was looking at garden centres - presumably these things sell or the centres wouldnt stock them. Good for a laugh though - maybe a new form of retain therapy

    ReplyDelete
  8. Viooltje8 June 2008 at 12:29

    The wax tart definitely made my day. LOL! What amazes me in our garden centers is the incompetent personnel at a large scale. I even get the feeling these people genuinely hate their jobs, never mind the fact that they are rarely interested in plants as such, and helpful is the word they didn't hear since kindergarten age, if ever. And all that in our biggest nursery which is truly amazing considering the offer and the quality of items, if you forget the fact that cashiers often mistake Potentillas for Dandelions and can't print out your receipt until they find out the Dandelions price code. Bloody hell!

    I'm glad your lovely vocal activities continue with yet another choir. Good luck with all the future performances.
    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sandi McBride8 June 2008 at 14:46

    I went back to check on something and found your comment on my Digby and so trying to decide which of your blogs to come into first, of course I chose the Veg Plotting! Loved this post, and can't believe how much the sweet pottery containers can cost...I want one of the huge teacups, too...they have them at Wal_Mart but will have to wait till I go on my own since Mac (hubby)will growl! He grows all our veggies from seed and so far we have tomatoes, three kinds of squash, okra watermelon, cantaloup cucumbers and lettuce...green beans on a teepee (I learned how to do that from our neighbor when we lived in Beaconsfield (Bucks), and it's been a life saver for space since I love lots of beans to can and freeze! Loved this post...going back now to check out your other blog
    Sandi

    ReplyDelete
  10. Suburbia8 June 2008 at 15:20

    It's very nosy of me but I'd love to know about your project in Mallorca?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Arabella Sock8 June 2008 at 17:59

    My local Garden Centre (whilst no doubt overflowing with Picasso's noses and other useful tat) had run out of gro-bags today!!! Unbelievable!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous8 June 2008 at 20:57

    Hi VP. £4.99 for a potato plant? Not so much pomme de terre as pomme de rip-off.

    Simon

    ReplyDelete
  13. CanadianGardenJoy8 June 2008 at 23:04

    VP .... how much do i have to bribe you with to pick up one of those terra cotta catplanters for me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I had a ball reading this post and seeing what you guys saw .. TOO CUTE for words .. and now I am lusting after "some" of them ? LOL
    Joy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mr. McGregor's Daughter9 June 2008 at 02:18

    LOL! I actually like the noses & the cup & saucer (the more garish the pattern the better). But then I've always wanted to do a surreal theme in part of the garden. If I had the money & the space, I'd garden like Rene Magritte. Or maybe Salvator Dali. Of course I have been known to put pink flamingos in my garden solely to be obnoxious (too bad they got broken).

    ReplyDelete
  15. Threadspider9 June 2008 at 07:40

    We've certainly had our share of smiles at their expense this year so far!! (I still do rather hanker after one of those spotty cups and saucers.....) : )

    ReplyDelete
  16. VP11 June 2008 at 12:20

    Helen - I didn't use to giggle, but now I do every time we go there!

    Violtje - hello stranger and welcome! Yes, I wish they had more knowledge too - it's exasperating isn't it?

    Sandi - Welcome! I think we all sneakily like those teacups really!

    Suburbia - I'll post about it I promise.

    Arabella Sock - welcome! Strange how they don't have much of the useful stuff, but are overflowing with the rubbisj isn't it?

    Simon - too right!

    Joy - I knew those cat planters would be right up your street ;)

    MMD - you would have loved the Westonbirt garden festival a few years ago. It was very avant garde!

    Threadspider - we were discussing them at SUP on Sunday and decided a line of them down a stairway with a giant teapot at the top would be just the job!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4 July 2008 at 15:56

    99p for a wax tart? Oh my. What an eccentric collection of products. I've seen similar planters and candles here in the U.S., but I don't think the noses have made it here. Yet.

    ReplyDelete
  18. VP8 July 2008 at 08:16

    Hi Nan - probably only a matter of time though!

    ReplyDelete

New comments are not allowed.

Your essential reads

That blue flower: A spring spotter's guide

Image
Spring is a prime time for blue flowers and my daily walks currently have several from the same plant family* lining the local footpaths. As I walked past the Donkey Field the other day, I overheard some children ask their parents** what the pictured blue flower was. It reminded me it's often mistaken for those other familial blues and this time was no different, as they said it was forget-me-not, instead of the green alkanet it actually is. As well as similar flowers, most of these plants are hairy in their nature, flower around the same time, and favour damp, shady places. Many of them are great for pollinators too, especially bees and this week's warm weather has certainly drawn them to these flowers. This makes it even more likely for these plants to be mistaken for each other and it's a great opportunity for me to put together a spotter's guide in case you find the same flowers on your outings. Staying with green alkanet, the key features which set it
Read more

Jack Go To Bed At Noon

Image
Last year this rather exotic looking flower appeared on mine and several other allotments for the first time. Having been stumped (again) by Mr Allotment Warden as to its identity, I rushed home to find out what it was. It's salsify, aka the marvellous Jack Go To Bed At Noon - named as such because its flowers always close by midday. Here you can see both open and closed flowers - making it seem even more exotic and alien than in the first picture. I think this must be the cultivated version because the flower in my Francis Rose Wild Flower Key looks exactly the same in form, but is bright yellow in colour and called meadow salsify . Its other common name is Goatsbeard, which must be a nod to the fantastic dandelion-like clock which forms the seed head. With 'parachutes' like those shown above, who knows how far our plotted plants came from. I rather like the photographic dissection of the seedhead found in this link . Salsify is edible: its lateral shoots and fl
Read more

Salad Days: Mastering Lettuce

Image
I've decided one of my salad challenges for this year is to grow as many lettuce varieties as I can, ready for the publication of my planned Factsheet* later on. The idea is to grow as many of the Tried and Trusted lettuce varieties last year's Salad Challengers helped compile, then provide a visual guide and as many lettuce facts as I can muster. So far I've found around half of those listed**. Then naturally whilst I was out searching - because such is the way with seeds - a number of other varieties found their way home too ;) A couple of weeks ago I sowed 22 varieties***. Just the simple act of sowing them has me intrigued. Why are some lettuce seeds black and others white****? They split into about half white to half black in my sample and as far as I can tell it's nothing to do with whether they're a type of cos, iceberg, or whatever. I sowed them indoors and popped them into a propagator on the windowsill. The soil's too cold outside for sowing
Read more

Red Nose Day - Gardening Jokes Anyone?

Image
The nation goes ever so slightly bonkers on Red Nose Day - hurrah! Previously, it's been very easy to join in - usually via a dress down day at work plus lots of people up to mad things at the station and in the office. Everyone smiling for once - it's a real feel good day and all in a good cause. This year's different - every day's a dress down day for me now - my friend L suggested yesterday that perhaps I could have a dress up day instead and whilst that's a good idea, I confess that ballgowns and tiaras don't really feature in my wardrobe: scruffy student's always been my favourite look. So my Red Nose Day contribution for this year is to compile a list of gardening related jokes. For each one (clean ones only please) you leave in the comments below, I'll make a donation of 50p to the cause. Here's a few for starters just to get you warmed up: Q Why do potatoes make good detectives? A Because they keep their eyes peeled. Q What did the grape
Read more

VPs VIPs: Derry Watkins of Special Plants

Image
Last week I had the pleasure of visiting Derry Watkins at her home, garden and nursery - the acclaimed Special Plants - just a few miles along the road from me. I first met Derry at one of her open garden days last year and was keen to find out more about her wonderful garden and running an independent nursery. She specialises in tender perennials and regularly goes on plant hunting trips to find new treasures, particularly in South Africa. As well as running Special Plants and opening her garden under the NGS scheme , Derry holds day courses at her nursery, hosts Special Tuesdays from April until September, lectures and has written a couple of books. How did you find your way from Connecticut to the UK? I'd started a biodynamic vegetable garden in Connecticut and we used to have people come along at weekends to help out. A particular young man turned up: he returned many times and at the end of the summer I married him. So it was all down to love? Isn't that the
Read more

The Resilient Garden

Image
  Part of Tom Massey's Resilient Garden at RHS Hampton Court I've been pondering VP Gardens a lot lately. Last year's drought conditions set me off initially, then our harsher than usual winter combined with this summer's flip and flop weather means the thinking continues. It's a huge topic which I freely admit I'm struggling to get my head around. Tom Massey's Resilient Garden  at Hampton Court recently  tackled this topic brilliantly and was a timely interlude which gave me much food for thought. There he encapsulated the detailed research he'd found which informed both his show garden and book of the same name. I think it's one of the most important show gardens I've ever seen. It's clear the way I garden needs to change so that I have my own resilient garden. I haven't worked out the exact details yet, but Tom's book plus a couple of others (see below), alongside the rainwater management handout from the show garden's  sponso
Read more

#mygardenrightnow: heading into summer with the Chelsea Fringe

Image
Ahhhhhh, that's better! I love walking through dewy grass in bare feet, not that there's much in the way of grass on my back lawn this weekend. My wild and woolly lawn has morphed into meadow of sorts this month, which even NAH admits looks attractive*. It's also proved a great source for my Flowers for mum project so far, yielding self-sown perennial cornflowers, lamb's ears, and lemon balm in addition to the blooms you can see. These originated from elsewhere in the garden, the ox-eye daisies must have blown in from the A350 nearby. * = he got very stroppy about the weeds aka self-sown foxgloves in the lawn one year, so he's come along a bit since then. Skimble's demanding to say hello to you too. He does enjoy the patio when it warms up. If the embedded video doesn't work try this link instead. The Nectaroscordum are a revelation. I planted the bulbs around 2 years ago, but it's only this year they've bloomed properly. The bee
Read more

Testing Times: Tomatoes

Image
  I've run a couple of tomato trials this year. The first is a revisit of the biochar trial with Oxford University I attempted some years ago (with a different organisation this time), and the second is a trial of a water gadget called Plantsurge which I was given to try at Malvern Spring Show earlier this year. Most of you have probably heard of biochar already and the claim that this inert, carbon-rich material can help soil fertility and plant health. The RHS information in the above link says results can be mixed, with reduced effects found in alkaline soils. This may help to explain the lack of difference I found in my previous trial as VP Gardens is on a lime-rich soil. Plantsurge is a different beast altogether. It's a strong magnet which is attached to a hosepipe as shown in the photo above. It's claimed that it softens water, with the result more like watering with rainwater. The higher nitrogen found in rainwater is thought to be beneficial to plants. Gardener
Read more

Chelsea Fringe 2014: Shows of Hands - Episode I

Image
The gloves NAH used to build the raised bed . The effects are L to R, top to bottom:  Original photo, Warhol, HDR, Green tint, B&W, Posterize, Boost, Cross process and Sepia Welcome to Shows of Hands - my Chelsea Fringe project for 2014! As you can see I've been having a bit of a play around in Pic Monkey for my first contribution. You're welcome to join in between now and 8th June 2014. The idea behind this year's project is to highlight the tool most precious to a gardener: their hands. How do I take part? It's simple. All you need to do is take a photo of hand(s) in a gardening context and then share it via your blog or other social media (such as Twitter or Facebook), then make sure I know you've done so. I've set up Mr Linky below for your blog contributions. The Chelsea Fringe photo on the right sidebar links to this post, so you can easily find it again when you're ready to add your contribution. If you share your photo on Twitter,
Read more

Make Use of Mildew

Image
On my garden patrol this morning I spotted some powdery mildew on a couple of my new Verbena bonariensis plants. I suppose it was almost inevitable as I prefer to grow my plants hard - this means no water for them unless they look absolutely desperate. This approach means plants root themselves more deeply and have a better chance of survival during spells of dry weather like we've had lately. However, it also means I run the risk of problems like today's, especially with any garden newbies planted late in the season. We've had a good drop of rain overnight, so this should help my plants survive. I'll mulch them later today to help lock in the moisture as it's water stress which encourages the mildew to take hold. I've also removed the infected leaves and sprayed the rest with a milky drink.* I'm also pleased to find there's a use for my infected leaves. Oliver Ellingham at Reading University has started a PhD - sponsored by the RHS - researchi
Read more