Red Nose Day: Salad Humour

It's Red Nose Day... with a tomato!

We break from our traditional Garden Bloggers' Blooms Day broadcast to bring you some salad based humour in honour of today's Red Nose Day in aid of Comic Relief...

For starters, how about a quick round of an alternative Gardeners' Question Time?

Q Why did the tomato turn red?
A Because it saw the salad dressing 

Q: What is small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish

Q: Why did the tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date

And then there's...

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you'll find out.

A man walks into the doctor's office with a banana stuck in one of his ears, a head of lettuce in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doctor, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."


And finally - a humorous quotation to round things off...

"Knowledge is knowing the tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in your fruit salad." Miles Kington.

Do you have a joke or quotation of a salad-y nature you can add in the Comments below?

Update: Red Nose Day raised over £75 million last night - not bad for a bright idea which started 25 years ago...


  1. Good to have a giggle at the start of the day.... thanks Michelle!

  2. Groan. Ok, What's the fastest vegetable? A runner bean.

  3. Nice humor on a snowy day.
    Be careful what you say ... The corn has ears!

    1. Oops, used the wrong sign in.
      What did one tomato say to the other tomato ... Ketchup.

  4. Haha... very good!! More messy than a tomato on a tree branch beside a feeder I did a few years ago - brave you ;-) Sorry useless at jokes - have a fun weekend ;-)

  5. Needed a shot of humor as it is still snowing here.

  6. Thanks, I needed that :-)
    It's been pouring down all day, I haven't been able to go outside in my garden. I can't remember any good vegetable jokes, sorry I am useless at jokes! Have a good week-end, despite the weather!

  7. Thank you for the giggles, sorry, nothing to contribute. Nothing clean or salad-related anyway!

  8. I'm not good at jokes either. I always get the punch line wrong. I enjoyed yours. Thank you.

  9. I'm no good at jokes either but thanks for this cheery blog!

  10. Hi everyone - glad this managed to raise a smile and a giggle ;D

    Jo - that's a good one :)

    Crafty Gardener - I'd forgotten those, thanks for the reminder and paying along :)

    Shirley - luckily I chose a tomato which wasn't very juicy. Things would have been very messy otherwise ;)

  11. That first joke is as old as the hills but still makes me smile VP. I 'm hopeless at jokes but here's one courtesy of 'Waitrose Weekend'.
    ' How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down a hill'.

  12. What's green and sings?

    Elvis Parsley.

  13. Ah if only my brother were here, he's a great one for jokes! These made me smile and I enjoyed your "knock knock" joke, the best ones never get tiring! Love the photo as well - my hort tutor at college managed to demonstrate tree planting with a Red Nose for Comic Relief on her nose throughout much to our amusement. £75 million is a staggering sum to raise in one day - shows what a great idea this is!

  14. Anna and TSG - boom! boom!

    Caro - £600 million in 25 years - that's really making a difference :)


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