It's not often that junk mail is hilarious, but yesterday's offering had me howling with laughter:
FREE chest today,
No, it wasn't an offer from the local plastic surgeon, but from Spalding Bulbs who appear to be trying to be the Readers' Digest of the gardening world. I made the mistake of taking up a free offer from one of the gardening magazines last year, where they were the supplier. Since then I've been bombarded with offers of useless free goods and the possibility of winning wads of cash. The chest in question turned out to be 2 - a free tool chest, and a treasure chest containing up to 20,000 pounds! BTW - that's their exclamation mark, not mine.
The offer is so tacky, you even have to open a little yellow plastic tool box glued to the letter to find out the size of the chest you've won. Surprise, surprise, I'd won not 5, 10 or even 50 tools, but the mega 100 tool chest, the largest on offer. I didn't know there were that many types of tool - does B&Q know?
Needless to say, I've now used their reply envelope to request the removal of my name from their mailing list. In spite of making me laugh so much, it's this kind of treatment that makes me stop being a customer, no matter how loyal Spalding Bulbs seems to think I am.